Tuesday, August 19, 2008
You may think that Jianwei is just a gutless little chicken shite who don't even dare to cross the road without the beaming guidance of Mr. Green Man at any traffic light.You may think that Jianwei is just another sissy mummy's boy who follows the hollowed out 21st century values like "honesty" and "integrity" to the letter.
You are so wrong!
Look at what I STOLE from work!
The loot.
I'm Italian-Job proud to say that I pilfered the half dozen of precious jelly, right under the very noses of all those who've sworn a blood oath to guard them with someone else's life!
The plan? I'm so fucking glad you asked! It was absolutely flawless, an act of pure art which amateur thieves would forever cry themselves to sleep every night at the mere thought of my consummate exploit.
Picasso would have gladly lay his arm around my shoulder and called me a a fellow artist. And all the glorification so far would still be an understatement.
Here goes.
I took a packet of 6 jellies. Put it in my bag. And I walked out.
You can stop holding your breath and breathe now. I don't like purple faced readers.
Tool of the trade. With it you could steal a elephant from a zoo and none will be the wiser!
Yes yes, I know I'm am probably the best thief of my generation, perhaps even the best in both dust buried generations of past and brilliantly new generations that has yet to come.
But a true man shan't never rest till he attains the ever elusive perfection.
So it was with those heartfelt words which filled my girly soul and fiery passion that coursed through my fat clogged veins that I've decided what my next heist is gonna be about.
I am gonna steal AN. ENTIRE. DOZEN. of jelly this time round!
Rein in your shock people! I'm not jesting! As impossible as it may sound, I will attempt it nonetheless. I know all you scums and scoundrels would be selling their souls for my success.
But a real man like me will reach for the stars and the great beyond with his two hairy hands instead of accepting some unholy intervention.
All I can and will say is, may the force be with me.
Jail me not! For my actions do not merely speak of my own foolishness alone but represent the collective stupidity of all my readers, and probably of the entire mankind as a whole!
FUNKED IT ALL UP ON 9:25:00 PM