Friday, August 29, 2008
Its that time of the year again when people we know are unfortunately reminded of 3 things.1) They're still very much a loser since the previous year they've checked. (HAHAHAHA!)
2) 1 year closer to whatever manner of preordained death life has promised them.
3) They should if not already, always be in a unreasonable state of eyes-darting palm-sweating fear.
No, the fear's not stemmed from the edging up of the inescapable passing into the oblivion or whatever form of afterlife, depending on what religion you subscript to.
But rather, its about the celebration that always lurks around the day they were shoved into this shithole of a world!
Yes, you've guessed it! Its birthday time, folks! With me, the victims and whoever is hopping on the Torture Express!
I intended to have it developed into an A4 picture for both their funerals should they not survive that celebration. Yes, a birthday celebration always carries with it the potentially life threatening danger.
Having both their birthdays reasonably close in the month of August, me and my band of croonies decided to have a joint celebration in view of many lean purses and wallets, an inexorable result from the passing of roughly 1/2 a month since pay day.
Being the main conspirator, I've looked up on dozens of webbies (NOT PORN!), from sourcing weather forecast to seeking bus services and concluding the preparation of the plot, digging around for some memorable dinning experiences in its walk-friendly proximity.
All of my effort put in for a refreshingly enjoyable day in East Coast Park, cycling or blading on sun drenched pavements which are sprinkled and surrounded with babes clad in the most enticing manner posible. And to seal the deal, a sumptuous dinner at a warmly lit restaurant which we'll dine, chat and laugh the night away.
Instead, look how it all turned out.
It rained. And rained. Even after the setting of the sun and rising of the moon it still rained.
Fate with its perverse sense of humor ambushed us at every turn possible, turning what brilliant idea for a celebration in the sun and all the considerable effort put in to make it goddamn possible into another one of its sick joke, marring the perfect day I've painstaking planned with a disappointing start.
Not to mention damping the mood for festivity. Pun totally intended anyway.
Failure, beside teaching us of society's response in our achievement of it, usually in the form of public humiliation, also taught us the need for contingencies.
Originally the wet weather program I had in mind was a karaoke session at the Kalang area and a subsequent birthday dinner in any of its many famous eateries. Albeit a little lackluster, the idea itself still manages to live up to the expectation of a birthday celebration.
However, with many mouths came many suggestions, warping the backup plan from as it was till it became a celebration on ice (Ice skating you moron. Where else to find ice big enough to celebrate on!?) at the recently refurbished Kalang ice skating ring and ultimately, ice skating at the plain old Jurong Entertainment Centre. Argh!
Not again!
And so $17.30 of cab fare from East Coast Park back to Teban and then to JEC later, we have landed on home ground ice!
Whey Wei Jian don't oogle at the ladies leh!
Romance served cold.
The only people who knew and enjoyed how to skate. Well passably.
It was years since any of us lay foot on ice and skating came back to most of us in bits and pieces, often leading to awkward and seemingly unstable footing. But came back it all did after fumbling for a quarter of an hour, sending us gliding around the ring in semi amateur manner.
Unfortunately for those newly acquainted with their ice skating boots and know nuts about what to do with them other then putting them on, were in for a rough ride.
First time skating together!
Putting one foot before the next became all they were concerned with for the next 2 hours. Crawling at a snail's pace in a circle and clinging on to the sidewall railings for dear life weren't really anyone's idea of fun.
I can safely put my money on that other than intensely sore feet and mild shivering from the cold, they had a really shitty time. And since Wei Jian was one for them, I say the celebratory activity was pretty much screwed.
Men in pain!
Argh why don't they feel any pain at all. No fair!
Not really my idea anyway but I share the blame nonetheless.
Up next comes the good old birthday dinner that we've heard so much over the years and yearn to hear even more!
Choice of slaughter ground this time round?
A place which packs a steady flow of human traffic to chase away that dreaded feeling of isolation that you find in so many desolated malls, somewhere which houses a myriad of decent restaurants for us to choose from, and - you've guessed it - a place which conforms to our total agreement regarding the range of venturing, in plain simple fucking English, some dump that's disgustingly NEAR.
Where else would fit the bill other than IMM, my dear readers.
I can see the disappointment oozing out of you. Know what? Welcome to the club.
But come to think of it, thank god we didn't just eat at JEC after already had our afternoon spent there or I'll really shoot myself in the head.
After a quick shuttle bus ride over to IMM and a little tottering around on the ground floor where all the restuarents were vying for business, we settled in at the seldom patronized Cafe Cartel, a shot at seasoning the evening meal experience with tiny splash of novelty.
Look who I found wandering around! I miss you, Xiao Bai, and your cabbage dance!
The joint.
Feed them!
Orders were made with little fuss and we were serve promptly, wolfing down our meals with the least decorum possible before one transgresses into the region of the uncouth.
SHOCKED!!!
Always accompanying our meals is the usual heartwarming banter, peppered with the anecdotes which were at times answered with further comments but always ending with intense laughter. From the drool inducing start till the burpish end, the meal was impeccably the climax of the outing, intoxicating everyone with sense of contentment.
Wei Jian: Wah lau I eat you also wanna take picture. You like me so much meh you stalker!?
The new spokesperson for Cafe Cartel.
The battlefield with all its casualties lying in bits and pieces.
Don't forget a group photo!
Little do they know that dinner has always been the the traditional excuse for foreplay, paving way for a diabolically sweeter desert we'll serve to those two happy unsuspecting birthday boys. Yum.
With the two victims-to-be adjourning from the scene for an overdue pee break, we (Especially me.) hasten our arse and whisked up a vile concoction that'll serve both as a ritualistic beverage for their passing of another year as well as insidiously fun filled entertainment for the rest of us watching them drink it.
The ingredients to a cup of puke tonic.
Voila! The esscence of all things vile and disgusting!
The result? I'll let the pictures do the talking.
WTF! Not this again!
What's in it!?
Fuck! Do we have to drink this shite?
Oooh I would have given alot not to be them then.
Brand this image of Thomas's ostentous suffering and savour it forever more!
Wei Jian's barely reining in his puking reflex.
With a little coaxing here and a little taunting there, the drinks found home through their mouths, riding into their churning stomach and lived happily ever after!
With the cocktail ritual religiously observed, we kicked back and waited for the bill before we shove out. And waited. And fucking waited!
Does he look like he's blowing Wei Jian or puking all over his jeans?
All that waiting drove Thomas homocidal.
Thomas enjoys sticking it into everyone. A totally vulgar statement!
Stoned.
K.O.
Someone call the morgue and their next of kin please?
I am a survivor. I'm gonna... *yawn* not make it...
Finally the bill came!
Drunk from both Thomas's and Wei Jian's exquisite sufferance and tired by the excessively needless waiting, we concluded the festivity and called it a night.
Or did we?
Yeah, it was mahjong again. B.O.R.I.N.G.
We are a predictable bunch, aren't we?
FUNKED IT ALL UP ON 3:50:00 PM