Monday, May 26, 2008

I'm in a pensive state of mind so do bear with me.

I've just left much of the humid night outside after returning home from a reccon mission for Wanyi's and Gimo's birthday presents in Orchard. There'll be a post on the outing but this is not directly about it.

But rather its about a heated discussion about some private matter that you have no fucking business knowing so don't bother asking.

We argued to and fro for like the past 1 and a quarter of an hour from Centre Point's Macdonalds all the way back to Teban gardens. Although it was inevitable that all our discussion as such changes little of the shite we talk about, I felt better and worst, all at the same time for once in so many a month.

In a warped way, discussions as such are our only avenue to exercise my mind, when one can maneuver and outmaneuver my opponents in speech and advance the ideals or thoughts we champion.

Add heated feelings into the mixed and it pretty much pushed the mind to the next level. I for one started to see a myriad of angles of approach to overcome difficult opposing stands, different ways of mental entrenchment of my propagations and clearer view on the lines of thoughts of others.

Lucidity honed my mind and it felt good.

But as a kicker (A kick in the balls kinda kicker.), the topic of discussion involved a matter so close to the heart of a even closer friend of mine that it made me felt like a disgustingly cold bastard for even having that mental capacity to think as such.

Of course I didn't try to exploit it and attempt to win at a conversation to satisfy some deep seated egoistic need. I've stopped that since secondary school. I sincerely wanted to help, to effect even the tiniest change in this impossible world.

As if all that wasn't bad enough, I came to the realisation that through the discussion I've let on more than I should and am comfortable with.

I rather be seem as a badly dressed, witless and lame simpleton than a badly dressed, witless and lame otherwise. Its harder to be hurt that way.

Whatever.

On a lighter note, that discussion granted me a view of a greater rift of differences than that I would have anticipated between the thinkings of my friends and me. Though it changes little in our friendship, it however did bring into focus the my moral upbringing. Or the lack of it for this matter.

As I pen this down I feel my lucidity slipping out of my grasp. Its not really a bad thing. Lesser and blunter thoughts almost equals to a happier frame of mind. So do be happy for me.

The world has very little use for people with morals and even lesser use for people who are without. So where does that leave us?

*Edited for coherency and structure*


FUNKED IT ALL UP ON 12:52:00 AM